Breaking free
by MerDerAlways
Summary: Post 4.11 Meredith was breaking free from McDreamy, shame he got her pregnant. Will her baby pull her back into McDreamy's arms? Or will it stop McDreamy being a McAss? MerDer
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Fifty bucks says she's gone mental," said Alex tactfully.

It had been four weeks since Meredith and Derek's break up. Derek had been on three dates with Rose. Meredith had been acting strangely for two weeks now, at first she had been sad but she had kept it together and not let Derek see how hurt she really was. But for the past two weeks, she was constantly smiling and happy and went for walks alone during the day. Her friends were now taking bets about what was wrong with her, as they gathered round the nurses station.

"She doesn't go walking, she goes to psych and they lock in her a padded cell," Alex continued.

"No she met a guy," said Izzie. "I bet she met a guy and they fell in love and that's why she's so happy."

"Nah she's playing the guilt card with Shepherd for the whole screwing a nurse and he's letting her scrub in a load of surgeries," said Cristina. "Damn I wish I could have done that."

"What's going on here?" asked Derek who had overheard part of their conversation.

"We're just trying to work out what's wrong with Meredith," said George. "So nothing that concerns you."

"Dr. O'Malley," said Derek sternly.

"A hundred dollars says it's life altering, and it's great," said Lexie somewhat smugly.

"Do you know?" asked Cristina grimly. "If you know and you don't tell, I will make your life a living hell…"

"Dr. Yang," said Derek.

"Oh go and hump a nurse will you?" snapped Cristina.

"Do I need to remind you I am your boss and I will not hesitate…" started Derek his eyes blazing in anger at their blatant disrespect.

"I bet she's doing Sloan," said Cristina. "I mean from what the nurses say…he would be enough to keep her smiling like that…"

"I'm still with the whole psych thing," said Alex. "Anyone else want in?"

"I want in," said Meredith standing behind her friends, not looking as pissed off as she should be.

"Mer…we were just…we didn't mean…" stuttered George.

"They want the dirt on why you're so happy," said Lexie still smiling smugly.

"Twenty dollars on…" said Meredith taking money out her pocket and throwing it on the pile. "It's a girl and I'm keeping it."

"You're pregnant!" Izzie finally whispered.

"Correct," smiled Meredith.

"Oh my god," said Alex clearly stunned.

"You told her!" Cristina hissed pointing at Lexie. "Before me!"

"Who's the father?" said George trying to keep his voice down so Derek wouldn't hear.

Derek was just standing there, staring straight ahead, trying to take in what Meredith had just said. They had stopped sleeping together a month ago, it had to be his. Unless she was sleeping with someone else, they were dating other people…until she had told him she didn't want him to date anyone else. There was a chance it wasn't his…but there was an even greater chance that he might be a Daddy sometime soon.

"Dr. Grey," The Chief hollered. "My office now!"

"Okay," said Meredith not seeming too bothered about the fact that she had just announced her pregnancy to half the staff before she had told the Chief.

* * *

"I hope you know what you're doing," said Chief. He and Meredith had discussed the impact her pregnancy would have on her work schedule, he had talked her through all the health and Safety legal requirements.

"I do," said Meredith firmly. "It feels…right. I can't explain it but it feels like…this is exactly what I need. I was so lost for so long and now…I don't have a choice I have to grow and deal with all my parental issues because I'm about to become one."

"If you ever need anything…"

"Thank you Chief," said Meredith gratefully.

"I mean it," he said. "Anything at…personal or professional. You're going to need a lot of support if…I mean if the father…"

"I don't know the father's plans," said Meredith. "That's still a bit of mystery…his plans I mean not…I didn't mean that I didn't know who the father is I do it's just…I haven't exactly got round to telling him."

"Alright," said Chief not sure how to handle Meredith's rambling. "Well you know where I am."

"Thank you," said Meredith turning to leave, then she saw Derek waiting for her. She wasn't ready to talk to Derek…not yet…not here where they were almost guaranteed to be overheard. "Uh…Chief…"

"I'll take care of it," said the Chief immediately understanding. "Take the rest of the day off."

"Thank you sir," said Meredith gratefully.

Meredith got up and opened the office door, Derek immediately started to storm towards her. Before he could say a word to her, the chief stood right in front of her.

"Shep, departmental stats I need them now!" he said firmly.

"Not now…I have to…"

"Now!" said the Chief.

"Fine," muttered Derek shooting Meredith a dirty look, she was avoiding him, like she always did.

"Sorry," she mouthed at him before scurrying off.

* * *

**Sooooooo...what do you all think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Dr. Shepherd," said Izzie.

As soon as he had finished his shift at hospital, Derek had gone straight to Meredith's house. He had to know one way or the other if the baby was his.

"Is Meredith there?" Derek as impatiently.

"No…she isn't," said Izzie sympathetically.

"Izzie I just want to talk to her," said Derek not believing that Meredith wasn't home. "Just talk to her, please."

"I wasn't covering for her," said Izzie. "She really isn't here."

"Can I wait for her?"

"Sure," Izzie shrugged. "I can't keep you off the porch."

He wasn't a bit hit with Meredith's friends lately.

"Thank you," Derek sighed.

"I don't know when she'll be back or if she's coming back tonight," said Izzie feeling bad about banishing him to the porch.

"It's fine," said Derek. "I have the time to wait."

"First time for everything I suppose," Izzie muttered as she went inside.

--

After about an hour, Derek saw Meredith's car pull into the driveway. She got out and walked onto the porch.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "Izzie called and said you were out here and if I didn't come and talk to you then Alex was going to come out and kick your ass."

"Where were you?" asked Derek. It was late and she was only back now because Izzie had called her. Was she with a guy? The father of her baby?

"I was being ravished by an undeniable sex god," said Meredith leaning against the front door. She took one look at the look Derek's face and started to giggle. "I was at Cristina's."

"Right."

"So what do you want?" asked Meredith. "I'm sure you haven't been sitting out here for an hour because you were wondering where I was."

"You're pregnant!"

"Yes," said Meredith calmly. "I am."

"How far along?"

"Twelve weeks," she said. "I wanted to wait until I was safe before I told people."

"So you knew when I…I mean when we…"

"When I found out about you and…Rose is it? Yeah I knew…well I had a really strong suspicion, I took the test after we…you know…"

"You should have told me then," he scowled. She knew, she should have told him, things would have been so different if she had told him…unless. "Is it mine?"

"Do you want it to be?"

"Just answer the question."

"Look Derek I won't lie to you, unless you want me to. Do you want it to be yours?"

Derek closed his eyes, in the past six hours he hadn't actually asked himself that question. Did he really want to have a baby with Meredith? He had loved her, maybe he still did, but she was an avoider and they were messy and complicated. Did he want to raise a child with her?

"Yes."

"Damn I was hoping you were going to say no," said Meredith nervously.

"Meredith tell me the truth, are you having my baby?"

"Yes."

* * *

** I know it's short but it's the only place I could really finish the chapter.**

**So even though it's short and rly just a filler REVIEW anyway**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"So you told Dr. Shepherd you're having his baby and he just…"

"He just said okay," said Meredith. "Then he said goodnight and that's it…"

"That's weird," said Lexie. She and Meredith had gone for a walk that morning before rounds, it was sort of their thing now. Ever since Meredith had confided in her that she was pregnant, Lexie had finally felt like she could be herself around her, she wasn't constantly wanting Meredith to like her, she didn't feel she had to pretend to be someone else.

"That's Derek," said Meredith. "He broods, it's what he does."

"What do you think he's going to do?"

"The right thing," Meredith shrugged.

"Propose?"

"I said the right thing not the stupid thing," said Meredith flatly. "He'll give me some grand speech about being there for me and the baby, he's good at those."

"Are you two getting back together?"

"No."

"He really hurt you this time, didn't he?"

"Yes," said Meredith simply. "All I want to do is forget about the past and focus on the future."

"You really surprised me with this, you know," said Lexie as they walked towards the hospital. "I would have thought you would freak out completely and you know…avoid."

"I did," Meredith admitted. "I'm twelve weeks pregnant and I've only been happy and together about it for what…two weeks? Trust me I avoided, I freaked out but it's time to grow up now."

"For what it's worth I'm proud of you," said Lexie.

"Thanks," said Meredith. "Coffee?"

"None for you," said Lexie sternly. "Decaff only."

"Then what's the point?" huffed Meredith. "How can I get through a ten hour shift with no caffeine?"

"I have an idea, wait here," said Lexie heading back out of the hospital.

"We have rounds in fourteen minutes," Meredith called after her.

"I'll be back in three," Lexie called back.

"Well if it isn't my favourite knocked up Dirty Ex Mistress?" said Mark who had just passed Lexie on her way out.

"Dr. Sloan," groaned Meredith.

"So how are you and my future godchild?"

"I'm fine," said Meredith. "Godchild? Seriously!"

"I don't see why not, I would make a fantastic role model to mini Shep," said Mark seemingly ignorant as to why Meredith would object.

"Yeah I can just picture it now, my child's first sentence will be; Remember no glove, no love," said Meredith.

"Good reminder for you two then," said Mark. "Or was this planned?"

"Shut up, you know it wasn't," said Meredith.

"Shut up? Shut up? Did you just tell me to shut up?"

"Yes, you're annoying me now," said Meredith. "You're hassling a pregnant woman, who can't have coffee. I hope you feel good about yourself."

"I always feel good about myself," smirked Mark. "See you Grey."

"Later Sloan."

"Here," gasped Lexie handing Meredith a slushi. "Try this instead of coffee."

"It's pink," said Meredith cautiously. "What the hell is it?"

"It's a slushi full of ice and sugar," said Lexie. "It should give you a bit of kick instead of coffee…I got you strawberry."

"Thanks," said Meredith, feeling it would be rude to just tip it into the nearest bin, so she took a drink. It wasn't half bad, at least it was cold enough to keep her from falling asleep.

* * *

"Meredith I have to talk to you," said Derek when he spotted Meredith at the nurses station after rounds.

"Not now," said Meredith breathing deeply. She hadn't had any sort of morning sickness in the last twelve weeks but today she was nauseas, unbelievably nauseas. Wasn't that just typical, she was nauseas the day everyone found out she was pregnant? Now she would be known as that pregnant girl who couldn't keep food down.

"You have to talk to me," hissed Derek annoyed that she was avoiding again.

"We could have talked last night," she couldn't help but snipe at him.

"Are you alright?" asked Derek noticing how pale she looked.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," said Derek.

Meredith couldn't help but remember the last time she was feeling sick at the hospital, when she appendicitis. He had said she didn't look fine then, the difference was he was McDreamy back then so he had added that she looked beautiful but not fine…now he was McAss and she was surprised he didn't tell her to pull herself together.

It was then Meredith couldn't fight it anymore, she pushed Derek out of the way and threw up in a nearby trash bucket.

"Congratulations, you now make me physically sick," Meredith muttered as she headed back to the locker room to tidy herself up, and probably throw up again.

"Mer…"

"Stay away from me," she called back to him. "You make me nauseas."

"Ouch that was harsh," said Mark to Derek.

"Yeah…probably just you know…hormones and morning sickness," said Derek. "I'll talk to her later."

"Sure," laughed Mark. "Hormones? And they say I'm clueless."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It took Derek all day but he finally tracked Meredith down, she was in the tunnels doing charts. Luckily she was alone, he was going to have a hard enough time getting through to Meredith without having to go through her friends first.

"Meredith can we talk?" he asked leaning against the vending machine.

"Alright," sighed Meredith, she knew he would find her eventually.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted last night," said Derek hoping it would soften her up a little.

"It's alright," said Meredith. "You reacted better than I did when I found out…I kind of freaked out."

"I just…I don't know…how did we get here…what do we do?" sighed Derek obviously still having trouble accepting it.

"I don't know," said Meredith sadly. "I don't know how we got here…but I am keeping the baby and as far as I'm concerned you can be a part of it if you want or have nothing to with it…it's your choice."

"My choice? What are my choices?"

"You can be a Dad or an absent father, or my child's birth certificate can read father unknown," said Meredith. "Your choice."

"That's a pretty big decision to make on the spot."

"Take your time then," said Meredith. "You've got another six months."

"Take my time?" Derek repeated.

"Are you going to repeat everything I say?" said Meredith rolling her eyes.

"Sorry," said Derek. "I guess I'm still in shock."

"Yeah it's not what either or us wanted or planned," said Meredith. "Like I said take your time…it really doesn't bother me what you decide in fact it would suit me better to be the only parent."

"Mer…you don't want our baby to be li…"

"To be like me? It won't because I am not my mother but you…you could be my father. One minute you're there and the next you're gone!" snapped Meredith. "Have a nice day."

"Meredith I didn't mean…" Derek called after her but she was gone. "I didn't mean it like that…I'm sorry."

* * *

"Hey rumor has it, Dr. Grey is pregnant?" said Rose as Derek approached the nurses station. She was trying to be bright and casual, but the underlying worry was evident in her voice.

"Yeah she is," sighed Derek. It had been a long day, he was tired and he had so many thought swirling around his head. All he wanted to do was go home and fish, and think.

"So…what does this mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you the father?" asked Rose.

"Yes," said Derek wearily. He really didn't want to talk about the baby to anymore, except Meredith and she had made it pretty clear that she didn't want to talk to him anymore than absolutely necessary.

"So what does this mean for us?"

"Seriously," snapped Derek. Rose was thinking about them, they had been on three dates and she wanted to know how him having a baby affected her! "You and me are the last thing on my mind right now…I'm sorry if that is harsh but I just have so much…"

"I think I'm in love with you," Rose blurted out.

"I have to go," said Derek. "I can't deal with any of this."

* * *

"You okay?" Meredith asked. She had spotted Derek standing outside ten minutes ago, he was just standing in the parking lot looking at his car. She had to pass him anyway to get to her car.

"I'm just thinking," said Derek numbly.

"You'll catch a cold," she said. It was pouring down rain and Derek was soaked through.

"How did my life end up such a mess?" he said. "You're pregnant. I'm going to be a Father, and you hate me. Hell I hate me right now. And I was a bastard to Rose…I don't understand how everything fell apart so fast."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's not your fault," Derek quickly reassured her. "Don't apologise for being pregnant, please don't apologise for that."

"I'm still sorry for everything that has happened…since Cristina's wedding and before that too…I didn't know the damage I was doing."

"I'm sorry too," said Derek. "I'm sorry I said you couldn't trust people and for…kissing Rose."

"I can trust people," said Meredith thoughtfully. "I trust my friends. It's just you I couldn't trust."

"Why?"

"Seriously," said Meredith raising her eyebrows at him. "You didn't tell me you were married, you pick Addison. You tell me you'll always show up, you didn't want to help me breath. You hit on my sister, you date Sydney, you kiss…"

"I get it," said Derek sadly. He had never thought about his mistakes like that, to have them listed like that really made it hit home. Of course she didn't trust him, he wouldn't trust him either.

"Sorry," said Meredith. "It's the truth though…I don't trust you not as a person anyway, I trust you as a doctor. You're a good doctor and surgeon."

"Thanks," said Derek. "What about father? Do you think I would make a good father?"

"I can't answer that," sighed Meredith.

"You're the only one that can answer that question."

"I don't know Derek," said Meredith. "I don't know what sort of father you will make…you're always good with the kid patients…"

"It's hardly the same thing," said Derek.

"Well I don't know what you want me to say then," said Meredith getting irritated.

"Do you hate me?"

"No," said Meredith simply.

"You shouldn't be out here in the cold," said Derek suddenly realising that Meredith was now soaking as well. "The baby."

"Right," said Meredith opening her car and getting in. "Maybe you should get away and do some thinking. I used to go to the park and think."

"Maybe you're right."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

"Derek what are you doing here, it's nearly midnight," said Meredith. She had been on her way upstairs to bed when she had spotted Derek standing on the porch. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah," he said. "I've just been thinking all night and I…wanted to see you, to talk to you."

"About what?" sighed Meredith.

Derek was the last person she wanted to see, she had coped with a twelve hour shift with everyone whispering and pointing at her. Then there was Derek, he hadn't reacted as well as she had hoped, she had wanted him to be calm and in control and happy. She had wanted him to be happy and excited about the baby, she didn't expect him to be shocked, just shocked. She wanted him to hold her and tell her it would all be alright, that even though they weren't together that they would work it all out.

"I need to get away for a while," he said. "I need to think and sort my head out."

"Then go," said Meredith flatly.

"I am," said Derek trying to hide how much he was hurting. The love of his life hated him, he couldn't help but blame himself. Yeah she had been partly to blame for their break up, after all she had ended it in the first place but he had done irreparable damage to her. Now she was having his baby but he was too much of a mess to be of any help to her right now, funny it was meant to be Meredith that was the mess.

"Okay."

"I'm going home, I just need to be somewhere familiar right now," he explained. "So I've taken a leave of absence from work, and I fly out tonight."

"When will you come back…if you come back?"

"I'll be back," said Derek firmly. "I wouldn't miss the birth of our baby for anything in the world."

"Right," muttered Meredith. "Okay."

"That's the other thing I have to talk to you about, the baby. I'm here!" said Derek decisively. "I will be our baby's Dad, I'll be here to teach them to fish for their first word, for everything. So you might prefer to do it alone, but you don't get that option. So as soon I get it together I'll be here."

"Fine," said Meredith. But he wouldn't be around now, he was leaving. She needed him now, but as usual he wouldn't be here.

"I uh don't want everyone to know where I'm going," said Derek. "I just want to be alone…even the Chief and Mark don't know. But here's my mother's address just in case you need to reach me and my new cell phone number. Call me whenever you need me, I don't care what time or why you need me. Just call me okay?"

"Okay," said Meredith taking the piece of paper from Derek.

"I'm sorry I'm disappearing on you," he said sincerely.

"It's fine."

"It's not fine, and I'm sorry," said Derek tilting his head to look at her. "I'll make it up to you."

"Sure you will," said Meredith rolling her eyes.

"I am sorry," said Derek.

"So you're going back to New York?" said Meredith.

"Yeah."

"Really? I always thought you'd go away to some secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere," Meredith shrugged. "I'll see you when you get back."

"Not a bad idea," murmured Derek. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"Yeah bye," said Meredith heading back inside.

"Call me."

"Don't hold your breath!"

"Mer I'm sorry," said Derek sadly.

"I know you are," she sighed. "Just go and sort your head out. I'll do the rest."

"It won't be for long."

"Whatever."

"It's amazing."

"What is?"

"The change in you," said Derek. "Compared to a few weeks ago."

"Time to grow up," said Meredith. "So you go heal…therapy helps too."

"You're in therapy?"

"I am."

"That's good," said Derek.

"Goodbye Derek," said Meredith.

"Bye Mer," said Derek sadly.

--

"I wish your father was here," Meredith muttered as she rubbing her stomach. Meredith's morning sickness had gotten worse, she had been to her doctor and was told everything was normal even though morning sickness didn't usually last until the 12 week mark.

"Well I wish it was the way things were before…after prom when it was good before it got messy. I wish it could be that way for you," she continued. "I'm sorry. Still kinda wish he was here though."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Meredith was now almost eight months pregnant, Derek had been gone for five months. Nobody had heard from him, except Meredith. She hadn't actually spoken to him, he had left her messages that she never returned. Rose had taken to asking Meredith if she had heard from Derek every day, she had even asked for a contact number for him. Nobody knew she had his cell phone number, Mark suspected but he had never pushed the subject.

It was her first day of her maternity leave, and Meredith was bored. She had tried doing laundry and rearranging the nursery. But she was bored. She just wished the baby would hurry up and arrive, not that she was in rush to push the baby out. Especially since Derek was still gone. She had a picture of him in the nursery, just in case he wasn't back for the birth, so that the baby would at least recognize him. Maybe she should call him and tell him he had four weeks until the due date…but she was still pissed at him for taking off for so long, never mind that his girlfriend constantly hassled her for his contact details.

Everyone at the hospital thought he had just abandoned her because she was pregnant, that he had gotten scared and ran. They looked at her, their faces full of pity because poor knocked up Meredith had sent McDreamy running for the hills. She suspected that even Cristina and the rest of her friends thought that Derek would never come back.

So Meredith grabbed her keys and decided she would go shopping and buy some last minute baby things, more diapers really. Izzie had already stocked the nursery, and helped pick the décor. Izzie had been great, a little too cheerful at times but still great.

It was only when Meredith got to her car that she remembered she could no longer drive, she was too big. She considered calling a cab but instead chose to stand in the driveway and look out at the street. It was nice street, a normal street she could bring up a child here. They could learn to ride their bike on the sidewalk, there wasn't a lot of cars, it looked like the perfect place to raise a child on her own. And Meredith was on her own, at least in her own mind, she had her friends obviously and they had been great, but she couldn't depend on Derek to help raise their child, not when he could just take off for months at a time.

* * *

'_There she is_,' thought Derek. '_Finally_.'

He was back in Seattle, leaning against his car across the road from Meredith's house, watching her. She was just standing in the driveway looking at the street, she hadn't noticed him yet. He hoped she wasn't about to try and drive, he wasn't sure it would even be possible Meredith looked ready to pop.

She was glowing though, she looked happy and pregnant, very pregnant. He knew he shouldn't be surprised because he knew she was pregnant, but Derek was shocked by just how pregnant Meredith was. With his baby. He could actually see where his baby had been growing.

He was ready now. He had gone to New York to see his family, his mother in particular but he had only stayed for two weeks. After that he had taken Meredith's advice and gone to Canada, stayed in a secluded cabin, went fishing and spent a lot of time thinking everything through. And all that really mattered was his child, their baby, and being the best father he could be. Everything else would sort itself out and fall into place. Meredith and their child was his priority. He had to make it up to Meredith for disappearing and leaving her to cope with the pregnancy on her own.

Derek took his cellphone out, and dialed Meredith's number. She probably wouldn't pick up, she never did but the least he could do was leave a message telling her he was back in town.

To his surprise Meredith answered her phone, if she was honest it was a reflex that made her do it. She didn't check the caller ID.

"Hello."

"Hi," said Derek.

"Derek?"

"Yeah, please don't hang up."

"What do you want?" she sighed.

"I want to talk."

"Then talk."

"I'm home," said Derek not sure how she would react. "I'm across the street right now."

Meredith slowly turned round and she spotted him immediately. She hung up her phone, taking a deep breath as Derek approached her.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey."

"How are you?" he asked taking in the sight of her. "You look…great."

"I'm fine, ready to drop any day though," said Meredith. "How are you?"

"I'm…getting there," said Derek nodding his head.

"How was your trip?"

"Very interesting," said Derek. "It helped me to get my head together."

"I'm glad," Meredith smiled politely.

"How are you really? Have you had all your check ups? Do you know if it's a boy or girl? I don't even know the due date."

"I'm fine," said Meredith. "I have had all my check ups, and everything is okay. I don't know the sex I wanted to be surprised, and it's due four weeks today."

"Wow…four weeks," said Derek. "I'm sorry I wasn't around for anything. You shouldn't have had to do it alone…"

"I wasn't alone."

"You weren't?" asked Derek. Surely Meredith wouldn't have started dating someone else when she was pregnant, he hoped she hadn't. The thought of someone else taking his place before the baby was even born made Derek sick to his stomach.

"I had my friends," said Meredith. "They've all been there, even Bailey and the Chief helped…so I haven't been alone."

"Right of course, sorry," said Derek.

"So…what do you want?" asked Meredith looking around awkwardly. "I mean why are you here?"

"I wanted to tell you I was back in town, I start work again tomorrow…"

"I'm on maternity leave, I won't see you at work" said Meredith. "Your girlfriend has been looking for you, she's been asking me about you every day since you took off."

"Right, I'll call her." said Derek. "I just wanted to see you. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine," said Meredith defensively. "I don't need anything from you."

"Meredith I'm really sorry," said Derek. "Don't be like this, don't hate me."

"I don't hate you," said Meredith lifelessly. "I have a lot to do."

"Okay," said Derek sadly. "Call me if you need anything…anything at all."

"Okay," said Meredith.

"Are they kicking a lot?"

"Keeps me up all night," said Meredith.

"Must be incredible to feel it," said Derek letting his eyes linger on her stomach.

"Not at 3am," said Meredith. "Anyway I'll call you."

"Okay," said Derek doubting that she would. "Bye."

"Bye."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"So McDreamy is back?" said Cristina bluntly. Meredith was at the hospital for her last pre natal class, it didn't start for another half hour so she was sitting with Cristina in the tunnels.

"Yeah," said Meredith. "He came to see me yesterday."

"He's back in surgery," said Cristina. "Clipping aneurysms, and removing tumors like he doesn't have a care in the world."

"Well that is his job," said Meredith.

"Oh he can just take off for months, leave you a wreck and just saunter back like nothing happened," Cristina growled.

"Looks like it," said Meredith. "And I…wasn't a wreck."

"Oh please," she scoffed. "You were a mess…you hid it but you were a mess."

"I have to find George, I have to go to this stupid class. I'm a doctor I don't need someone to tell me what child birth is like, I could deliver my own baby," said Meredith.

"Yeah you couldn't deliver it and push it out," said Cristina. "Wait you're still taking George, what about McDreamy?"

"What about him?"

"You're not taking him?"

"No," said Meredith. "I'm not taking Derek, what would be the point?"

"Uh he's the father."

"Biologically," said Meredith dully. "But he hasn't been to any of the other classes, there isn't any point in taking him."

"He's a doctor like you, he knows how to deliver a baby."

"I'm not taking him!"

"Alright," said Cristina. "Go and find Bambi then."

* * *

"Hey George you ready to go?" said Meredith when she found him scrubbing out a surgery.

"Yeah just give me a minute," said George as he scrubbed his hand. "Dr. Shepherd is back."

"I know I saw him yesterday," said Meredith.

"Didn't he want to go with you?"

"I didn't ask him," Meredith sighed. "If you don't want to…"

"No I do…I just didn't want you to think that you couldn't…I'm coming," George stammered.

"Okay then," said Meredith. "Finish washing up then."

"Meredith what are you doing here?" asked Derek as he stepped out of the OR. "I thought you were on maternity leave?"

"I am," said Meredith curtly. "I have a pre natal class."

"Right," said Derek looking sideways at George who had gone bright red. "That was your appointment you needed to scrub out early for?"

"Yes sir," George stammered. "If that's still okay?"

"It's fine," said Derek watching Meredith closely. "Could you give Dr. Grey and I a moment?"

"Sure…I'll just…wait outside," said George slouching out.

"I'm not working, you don't have to call me Dr. Grey," said Meredith.

"If you're not working why are you in the scrub room?"

"Waiting for George, is it a problem?"

"Why didn't you ask me to come with you?" asked Derek.

"It's been arranged for weeks," said Meredith. "I didn't think you would be back."

"You could have asked yesterday, you could have told me."

"I could have," she shrugged.

"I'm sure George wouldn't have minded."

"No it's fine," said George through the door where he was shamelessly eavesdropping.

"See," said Derek almost triumphantly.

"I'm taking George, he's been to the rest. You haven't been to a single class, why bother with the last one?"

"Because I haven't done _anything!_ I haven't seen any sonograms, check ups, anything! I haven't even felt it kick!"

"And who's fault is that?" snapped Meredith.

"I had to clear my head," Derek argued. "I would have come back sooner if I could have."

"I know," she sighed. "But the past five months haven't exactly been easy for me. How can I start to rely on you when you could just pick up and leave again without a second thought for us?"

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes…I don't know…maybe," Meredith stammered.

"I'm here, I'm in this! I'm not going anywhere," said Derek forcefully. He took hold of Meredith's hand, and wouldn't let go when she tried to pull it from his grasp. "I'll always be here for you and our baby, okay?"

"And I'm supposed to believe you? I'm supposed to trust you?" asked Meredith in disbelief. "After everything, I'm supposed to trust your word?"

"Point taken," sighed Derek. "But I will be around and you will trust me again."

"I wouldn't hold your breath."

"I'll earn your trust back," said Derek tilting his head at her. "I promise."

"Whatever," sighed Meredith. "Your girlfriend called me again this morning, you're back she can stop asking me about you every single day now."

"I haven't seen or spoken to her yet," said Derek. If he was honest, he hadn't expected Rose to care anymore he had just left for five months surely after only three dates she should have written him off by now.

"Well do it, please."

"I will as soon as I get a chance," said Derek.

"Thank you," said Meredith glancing at her watch. "Anyway I better go…I'll let you know how it goes."

"Thanks," said Derek almost bitterly. "Can I at least be at the birth?"

"Yes," said Meredith feeling guilty.

"Thank you."

"You are the baby's father," said Meredith. "Nothing will ever change that, no matter what goes on between us. You are my baby's Dad!"

* * *

"Hey, do you have a minute?" Meredith asked after her class. Derek was in his office catching up on his paper.

"Of course, come in," said Derek smiling as she waddled in and sat down across his desk from him.

"I thought you might like to see these," said Meredith taking out the copies of her sonogram photos she had taken from her file. "I took them from my medical records…but you said you hadn't seen them so there they are."

"Thank you," said Derek touched that she would do that.

"That's the first one, then the second and oh…I forgot about this one," said Meredith handing him the three pictures. "There was an incident in the ER, I started to bleed they took another ultrasound around five months."

"Incident? What sort of incident?"

"A patient pushed me to the ground…it was nothing."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"There was no point," said Meredith bluntly. "It happened so fast and there was nothing to worry about. I didn't want to panic you."

"You should have told me."

"Maybe I should have, I'm sorry," shrugged Meredith.

"You have to tell me these things," said Derek. "Is this how it's going to be once the baby is born?"

"No of course not," said Meredith. "Not if you're around…"

"So if I go on vacation and the baby gets some life threatening illness, I won't find out about it until…"

"I'm not having this argument," snapped Meredith getting up. "Put the pictures back when you're done."

"Meredith," said Derek in his attending voice. "Wait."

"What?" sighed Meredith.

"I don't want to fight with you," he said softly. "I'm sorry, I just…want to…I don't want to be pushed out of my child's life…"

"I won't do that," said Meredith. "And I'm sorry for how I've been acting, it's just hard to feel anything but hostility towards you right now."

"I can understand that," said Derek slowly.

"I am sorry," said Meredith. "But I can't help it. I don't have any reason to trust that you'll stick around because I don't see the man I fell in love with when I look at you anymore."

"I'm still me."

"I never said you weren't," said Meredith simply. "Anyway I just wanted to show you the ultrasound pictures."

"Thanks," said Derek.

"No problem."

"Can I come and see you tonight?" asked Derek hesitantly. "You can show me the baby's room."

"Okay."


End file.
